Anonymous Confessions

Assalam u Alaikum Please hide my identity. I am married for almost 11 years. My husband was involved with someone else before our marriage. But somehow that relationship ended 3 years before our marriage. After our engagement I asked him about his past relationships and he told me that it ended and he is not involved in anyone but me. I told him before that I don't want to share him with anyone ever in my life. We got married 2 years after our engagement. We had a rough start because of joint family system and we also had financial issues because of that he was always busy and we lack emotional connection right from the start of our marriage. After 3 years I got to know that he was still in contact with his lover. I was shattered but stayed in that marriage because I had a kid till that time.He told me that it will never happen again. Eventually things got better for us and we became financially stable we had our second child and I was content with my life. But after 8 years of our marriage I caught him talking to his lover again. I confronted him and he told me that he got married to her. It's been 3 years now and my mind still can't forgive him for that. He asked for my forgiveness but I still don't have the heart to forgive him. Right now I don't feel anything at all. My mental and physical health getting worse. I crave love, emotional attachment, attention, physical intimacy. For almost a year I didn't ask any kind of intimacy nor I go near him. The worse part is he doesn't even care about my needs. My mood swings are getting worse day by day I am trying so hard to stay normal for my kids but everything seems impossible now. I tried to do something creative or divert my mind from all of this but sometimes it gets really hard to guard my emotions. I don't want to go on the wrong path. I just want to feel loved. Any suggestions for this kind of situation. Please note that I can't take divorce because I don't want my kids to have a traumatic childhood for having a divorced parents.

Husband ko 2 sal chuti nai mili.

Mri shohar bahir Italy maii hoty hein wo her saal kiy baad eik mahina chutti ataay hein. 2 saal ho gay thy wo nai ay thy aur mje intemacy ki bhoot zarorat thi. Phone pe try kia lakin maaza nai aya so main unka wait kerti rahi eik mahina lakin unko chutti nai mili. Mere bachy choty hain eik 5 sal ka hai aur eik 3 sal ka beta hai. Ghar ka saman main khud le kar atti houn. Humare ghar ky ps eik shop thi wahan eik young larka kam kerta tha. Main usay bhot bar dekh chuki thi lakin pata nai kyun us din wo mje bht attrective laga. Main nay usay kaha ky ye saman ghar tak chor do. Wo ghar le aya aur kitchen tak chor dia us nay. Bachy school gy huy thy main akeli thi ghar main to mujh say control nai hua. Main nay usay manaya, pehly to us nay mana kia lakin main nay paiso ki offer ki aur wo man gya. Hum nay s** kia. Kuch din bad wo khud mere ghar us wakt bachy ghar main he thy to main nay usay kaha rat ko ana. Jab bachy so gaye to main jan ker husband say naraz ho gai aur usay bula lia. Us rat b hum nay 4 5 bar s** kia. Phir mje realize hua ky main ghalat ker rhi houn to main nay usay mana ker dia ky ajj ky bad na ana. Wo eik bar phr aya main nay usay paisay de diye aur kaha ky ab main tmre shop ky owner ko bata dun gi ky tm mj se badtamezi ker rhy ho ya tm nay kuch kerne ki koshish ki hai wo chala gya phr nai aya. Wahan mere shohar ki chutti lag gai aur wo pak a gy. Mje sharmindagi hai main nay zina kia hai aur mein saza chahti hun mje khud pe control kerna chahye tha. Mere shohar pochty b hain kya hua hain main unko nai bata paa rhi ky unki peeth pechy main nay mou kala kia hai. Unko bataya to wo toot jain gy. Main rozana namaz parhti hun Allah se maffi mangtei houn tahajud main b roti hun lakin mera dill mutaminn nai hota aese lagta hai jab tk mje mere shohar maff nai kerin gy ya saza nai dein gy mera dill sakoon main nai ayga. Jab mere shohar mere leye kuch laty hain ya mj se pyar se bat kerty hain to mera kalejja phatta hai. Aese lagta hai mje kuch ho jyga. Main bhott buri houn mje khud se ghinn atti hai.

My friend commited Zinnah.

I am a university student, 20 years old and I have a childhood friend who is also a university student but she is studying at a different university. Since we are close, we share everything. I am an Islamic girl and have never been in a relationship or done anything haram. She too is Islamic but the day she entered university she started sharing different things, like that a boy was looking handsome and I liked him. I told her, if you like him, go talk to him and if he agrees, ask him to send his parents for marriage. She said okay. Few days later she told me she was out with him. I was angry with her so I ignored her. Now it has been 4 months since she has been with that boy. We usually meet once a week or on the weekend. Since we are childhood friends and we usually check each other's phones, everything is open between us there is no privacy issue. I saw her messages with that boy which were too intimate. I asked her if she slept with him and she said no. The way she answered, I knew she had committed zinnah. I asked her again and she said yes I have been sleeping with him for a while. I was too angry with her and I left. Now I do not talk to her and we never meet.

29,M from Islamabad. I have an extreme foot fetish, all I want is to kiss ladies feet. I'm so attracted to the females in my office who have beautiful feet. Any suggestions? Is that normal?

Asalamualaikum ! 21 M Meri baat thori lambi hai to poori suniye ga pr suggestion dijiye ga. Mere Relation ko 2 years se above ho gya hai pehly hum 3 saal se bestfriend thy online tb zyada baat hoti thi to 2 saal pehly hum uni mein mily or humny woh 2 saal family ki trh guzarny . Northen trips , movies , romance Jese 1 perfect couple hota hai lekin ab Kuch months pehly usky ghr pta chla to mene apni family se discuss kiya roo roo kr manaya lekin meri Mama Toxic or SHIA hain to unho ne kaha mene nhi krny dena yhn . Lhair mujhy munh pr kehty rhy keh hum tumhary sath hain or jb usky parents aye to hamary issue ko serious nhi liya gya or ye keh kr mujhy bewakoof bnaya gya keh usky parents ni maany or ussy bhi same yhi kahani. Usky parents bhi iss se sakht khilaaf huvi. SO CALLED ( CASTE ISSUES) mujhy iss sb dramy ka 1 mere czn ke through pta lg gya baad mein Khair usko unho ne boht ma**ra or phir hamari 1 month baad dubara baat huvi and we decided about court marraige but after thinking for a few months , we decided to not go this further or hum 1 or try krein jis pr mene uski baat ko value di lekin mere dil mein 2 drr hain Keh kahi usky parents uska forcefully kahi na krdein Ya hum door na hojyein . ab Situation esi hai jb se ye huwa hai . Mein apni mama ko salam tk ni bulaya ab tk and she’s in try to give me some damage . ab Mein apni mama ko sb behnon or bhaiyon se geniuinly poochna chahta hu keh hum kiya krein or humein kiya krna chahiye Court marraige or A Try jis my risk hai . Kiunke hum dono ki families faida apna dekh rhi hain hamari khushiyan nhi Hum ye bhi ni chahty ke proper shadi ho WE JUST WANT TO GET OFFICIAL . Sb stable hongy tb shadi krlein gy . Hamari wishes bhi choti choti si hain . Hum physical bhi huwy hain to na woh mujhse door hona chahti hai na mein . Ab woh larki meri izzat hai or mein ussy officially apni izzat bnana chahta hu court marraige se mujhy F*R’s or Honour ki**ing ka drr hai lekin ye drr side pr krky kr bhi lety hain to humein phir kiya krna chahiye kiunke mein ussy kisi keemat pr door ni kr skta We Are a proper family bss humein official hona hai Please give me suggestions . DONT JUDGE AT ALL 🙏🏻

Yeh meri kahani hai… Ek aisi kahani jo sunne mein drama lagti hai, lekin jeene mein zeher ban jati hai.Hum dono ache khandaan se the. Shaadi ke baad log kehte the “ideal couple”. Main business ke chakkar mein din-raat mehnat karta tha, ghar se door, sochta tha ke meri biwi ghar sambhaal rahi hai, mujhe support kar rahi hai. Woh innocent si dikhti thi, mujhse umar mein chhoti, muskurati rehti thi, “main sirf tujhe pyar karti hoon” kehte rehti thi. Aur main… main us par itna trust karta tha ke kabhi shak tak nahi kiya.Lekin 7 saal… Saat saal tak woh chupke se dusron ke saath involve ho rahi thi.Pehle university ka class fellow, phir apna hi family cousin, phir internet wale, ghar ke kaam aane wale… phir Lahore aane ke baad do naye boyfriend. Unhein batati thi ke main shadi-shuda hoon, phir bhi unke ghar jaati thi, video banati thi, WhatsApp pe khud ko expose karti thi. Hide folder banaye hue the, chats chhupaye hue the. Main sochta raha ke yeh bas chit-chat hai, time pass hai. Jab tak ek kiya.Lekin 7 saal… Saat saal tak woh chupke se dusron ke saath involve ho rahi thi.Pehle university ka class fellow, phir apna hi family cousin, phir internet wale, ghar ke kaam aane wale… phir Lahore aane ke baad do naye boyfriend. Unhein batati thi ke main shadi-shuda hoon, phir bhi unke ghar jaati thi, video banati thi, WhatsApp pe khud ko expose karti thi. Hide folder banaye hue the, chats chhupaye hue the. Main sochta raha ke yeh bas chit-chat hai, time pass hai. Jab tak ek raat 4 baje uski awaaz suni… folder open kiya… aur duniya meri aankhon ke saamne mitti mein mil gayi.Woh videos… woh baatein… Main toot gaya. Phir bhi main ne usko maaf kar diya. Chance diya. Kaha ke ab zindagi theek karte hain. Lekin aaj uske chehre pe sharam nahi, afsos nahi. Ulta ilzaam mere upar: “Agar tum time dete to yeh sab na hota.” Yaani meri mehnat, mera struggle, mera ghar chalane ka pressure… sab uske affairs ki justification ban gayi.Ab sawal yeh hai… Ab kya karein?Bhaiyon, behnon… yeh sirf meri ka Kai ghar aise chupke se jal rahe hain. Trust toot jaye to dubara ban-na bohot mushkil hota hai. Maaf kar dena asaan hai, bhool jana mumkin nahi.Alhumdilluallah I purchased new car to mind KO change kro yaha Lahore mere dost NI abb Woh bemar hai but mein is k sath decrsha hoon

I am 28 years old Male, I am writing this with a very heavy heart. Due to the actions and financial problems caused by some people I trusted as friends, I have ended up in debt of around PKR 800,000. I am going through an extremely difficult and stressful period of my life. I have tried to find a way out, but at the moment I have neither the financial support nor any reliable source of help. Every day I keep thinking about how I will repay this debt and support my family. My elderly parents are one of the main reasons I continue to hold myself together, because I cannot bear the thought of leaving them alone. The pressure has become so overwhelming that I often cannot sleep at night, constantly thinking about my future and how I will get out of this situation. I am not asking anyone for sympathy; I am genuinely asking for a direction, a job opportunity, a small business opportunity, or any honest suggestion that could help me rebuild my life. I am based in Rawalpindi/Islamabad and I am willing to work extremely hard. If someone is kind enough to provide financial help as a loan, I am willing to repay it at PKR 20,000 per month until the amount is completely returned. If anyone knows of a genuine job, work opportunity, or any practical way for me to earn and clear this debt, please guide me. Even a genuine opportunity or useful suggestion could mean a lot to me right now. I just want a chance to stand back on my feet and take care of my parents and my responsibilities.

Assalamualaikum everyone Ma aik student huu recently 12th kia ha ma class 10 tak toppers ma hota matric ma kafii acha mrks Aya mara Pir ma city chla giya college klia kafii acha college ma admission Liya acedmies b join kii wha prr Pir mara aik larkii sa contact hogya kis trha Howa.... (us larkii kii mom mara dad kii Ex-lover thii ksii wja sa in kii shadii nii howiii then Kafi salo bad wa mara dad ka sat again contact ma ayii to ma jn na Cha rha ta ka ya Kon ha mna Usaa messages kia lkin in sab ka drmyn un kii batii muja replies da rhii tii unha ya sab nii mlom ta wo soch rhii tii ka bss aisa hii unkii bchpn ki frndship ha lkin muja sab pta taa to ma jab unha message krta k ap Kon ho q messages kar rhii ho mara Abu ko too ya messages un kii batii dkha rhii ti or wo muja jwb da rhii tiii ) to iss trha hmra beach messages hota taa ratt Koo miri b phlii dfa Kisi lrki sa bat howii too too iss trha chts krna lga aik din us larkii na kha k muja tm sa muhbt hogii ha ma hr time apka bara ma sochtii huu hlnka unkii mngnii howii ni tii lakin czn ka sat bat chll rhii tii unkii too ma USA inkr ni kar skta too mna us ka dip rkhna klia USaa I love you too bol diya Too hm pir message krta sarii rat mara studies sa intrst khtm hogiya or hostel ma rhta os bss messages krta rhta Jis sa marii prahii Kafi disturb howii or mara 1st year ma kfii km marks Aya jss sa ma kfii stress ma chla giya os kfi overthinking krna lga Pir mna us larkii sa kha k ab huma contact nii krna chiya ya mrii studies disturb ho rhii ha to wo khna lagii muja aik din ma aik voice note bhjoo bss ma nii rha sktiii To ma aik voice krta lakin Pirr b hmrii usii trha chtss shoro hogiya or mara 12th ka result USaa b khrb Aya To ab ma kfii prshn hoo Q k gahr wloo ki umida tii muja sa mra dream ta doctor bnna lakin wo mara ankho ka samna khtm hogiayaa Sirf MIRI wjaa sa Ghr wloo na hr type support muja diya but mnaa khud hii apna paro paarr kulhrii marii Ab muja kfii Ulta thoughts ata ha Kisi sa nii milta bss ghrr prr hota huu Wo larkii b muja messages krtii ha calls krtii lkin ma USaa replies nii dta Q K muja ab pta LG gya ha ka ya sab unn messages ka ntija ha or ma khud b sochta hu ka na MIRI job ha na itna prha likha huu ma iss trha to larkii ka parents muja accept nii krga lkin wo khtii ha k ma ap klia sab Kuch chorna klia Tyr huu Ab mra admission ka masla b chl rha ha mara ghr wla kha rha k ap ab CS ma admission loo lkin mara mrks km ha too higher universities ma abhi to possible nii ha Too mara pass 2 options ha Ya to ma avg govt uni ma admission loo Jo hmra Town ka krib ha Ya aik sal gap la krr improvement kro or achii so university ma admission loo fast Comsat ma To mna ya pochna ta ka CS Field university prr depend krta ha ya student par ya both prr To ma is university ma admission loo ya aik sal gap la krr koi achii si university ma admission loo kindly help me And wo larkii muj sa kafii attach hogii ha unha Sirf lagta ha k pyrr ma sb Kuch ho skta ha Likn ma USaa smjta huu ka real life ma chiza deffrnt hotii ha or aisa ma nii chta ka mara hat m Kuch na hooo or ma tumha b apna sat rkhoo Wo khtii ha sab Kuch thik ho jaya ga To ma us larkii sa kia khoo kia kro Kuch smj ma niia arhaa Too please ap sab logg mrii help kra ma ya Kisi ka sat nii discuss krskta muja yhii aik plt form Mila ka ma discuss kroo Thank you everyone marii problem smjna klia

Need advice. Sorry for the long post. I don't really know where to start, but I grew up in a broken household. My father hasn't had a proper job since 2008, so I've seen him unemployed for most of my life. He was also physically and verbally abusive towards all of us—my mother, younger brother and me. We lived in a 3-bedroom apartment in Karachi. Things became much worse around 2021, eventually leading to divorce discussions. He once announced divorce in front of all of us but denied it in front of elders. Eventually, we decided to leave and rented a portion. We lived there for around 5 years, and not a single person from my father's family contacted us during that time. Life slowly became much more peaceful. I graduated with a 3.4 CGPA after previously failing A-Levels twice, largely because I didn't have a stable environment at home. In 2025, I moved to Islamabad and got a job with a US-based logistics company, working night shifts because the pay was significantly better. While I was away, my mother and brother managed to recover our gold from the locker. The apartment was already in my mother's name. Around the same time, my father wanted to reconnect. He said he would just live in one room and only needed food and shelter, but the problem is that he has never really kept his word. Eventually, we decided to sell the apartment and buy a house in Islamabad. Unfortunately, there were around 13 years of outstanding taxes, and the condition of the apartment also reduced what we could afford. I ended up contributing around 5–6 lakh from my savings towards this. We are currently in the process of buying a house, InshaAllah. Despite everything, we decided to give my father one more chance. I rented a 3-bedroom portion in BTR and brought him to Islamabad with me. It quickly became a mess again. He would constantly complain and yell, even over small things like food and the weather. We always made sure there was plenty of food at home. My mother didn't move in with us because she and her family now want khula from him. Eventually, things became so bad that my father himself said he wanted to go back to Karachi. He is now staying for free at a friend's NGO, but he calls us almost every day complaining about his life. This is where I'm stuck. My mother wants him to live with us in the new house, but both my brother and I strongly disagree because we know the same problems will start again. My mother has always had a soft spot for him. We are constantly reminded of my father's rights, but when it comes to our rights and the effect all of this has had on us, there doesn't seem to be much consideration. At the same time, I feel like I want to leave all of this behind and start my own life. I've stayed away from haram, don't smoke or have any bad habits, pray mostly five times a day, and generally try to be a good person. I've spoken to my mother several times about marriage, but her answer is usually that I should look within the family. There are two younger female cousins who are well-mannered and brought up well. We don't really interact with them because my mother's side is strict about pardah, which I respect. However, I would prefer to marry someone outside the family. My mother has looked at a few proposals, but unfortunately, once people hear about our family situation, they stop responding. Honestly, I don't blame them—every parent wants their daughter to go into a peaceful home. So I'm stuck between two things: 1. Should we bring my father back and have him live with us in the new house? 2. What should I do regarding marriage? I'm especially hesitant about cousin marriage because of concerns about potential health/genetic issues. As far as I know, there hasn't been cousin marriage in our family for decades, but the idea still worries me. The bigger problem is that people outside the family don't know the full context and may judge me based on my father's actions. It's becoming difficult to find genuine proposals. I don't have any unrealistic demands. I just want someone from a good, educated family who understands the situation and genuinely wants to build a peaceful home together. I'd really appreciate advice, especially from people who have dealt with something similar.

I am tired of putting on a brave face and pretending that being on my own is fine. The truth is, I am sick of being lonely. ​Lately, whenever I see couples sharing simple, happy moments—holding hands, laughing at an inside joke, or just being there for each other—it stings in a way that’s hard to describe. It stings because it burns my heart to see the exact warmth, closeness, and companionship I crave being so effortless for everyone else. Regards Hassan hassanali007@gmail.com

I’m 21 years old and I’m in a serious relationship with a girl I genuinely love and she loves me alot too.(she is 19) We both want to get married in the future, and we don’t want to run away or get married secretly because she cares deeply about her father’s respect and doesn’t want to hurt her family. The problem is that her mother and older sister are completely against me and don’t want her to marry me. They keep saying that my family and background are not good enough, even though I’m well-settled and my family is also respectable. I honestly don’t understand what they see as wrong with me or my family. Her father doesn’t even know the full situation yet, and I’m worried that when he finds out, her mother and sister will influence his opinion against me as well. Things have become extremely stressful for both of us. Her family has forced her to stop talking to me, and sometimes we even have to remove each other from social media so that her family thinks we have broken up. In reality, we are still together and secretly talking because we don’t want to lose each other. Her mother also use to abuse her physically and she curses her daughter too because of talking to me, which has made the situation even worse. what makes this even more confusing is that her mother had a love marriage herself, and her older sister also had a love marriage, yet they are both trying to stop her from marrying the person she loves. Another thing that really hurts me is the way her mother and older sister speak about my family. They say extremely disrespectful and hurtful things about my father, my mother, and my family as a whole, including things that I don’t even feel comfortable repeating. As a man, it is very difficult for me to sit there and hear my family being insulted like that, especially when I have never disrespected theirs. What makes it even harder is that whenever my girlfriend sees everything happening and hears the things her family says about mine, she becomes overwhelmed and starts saying that maybe we should just end everything because the situation has become too difficult. I understand that she is under a lot of pressure, but it hurts me deeply because I feel like I’m trying so hard to make this relationship work, while every time things get worse at her home, she starts thinking about giving up on us. I love her and I don’t want to lose her, but I’m honestly exhausted and don’t know how much longer we can keep going through this We just want a way to eventually convince her family and get married with their acceptance, especially her father’s. Please give me your advices.

Im 23M and I had financial trauma due to suffering bcz of finances for past 10 yrs. It all happened due to my parents poor financial decisions, no future security and no permanent own housing. I somewhat developed anxiety, restlessness and negative thinking. I am never able to think positively. My family have huge unrealistic type of expectations from me that I will build everything on my own and fix all the situation. When I tell them to protect some of the remaining gold asset for security they take is as a joke and I get humiliated by my whole family and I am labeled as lazy. Im afraid if I am not able to be successful in my career or something goes wrong we won't have anything resources left... Am I overthinking or am I right? Thanks.

I’m 21 years old, just finished high school, and I’ve been trying to make a business. I'm currently running a Fintech company, and things have actually progressed in ways I didn't expect. I’ve been engaging and in meetings with a lot of top-tier scholars, C-level executives, and even the Vice President of a Major Saudi Bank. I’ve also gotten invites to premier fintech events in the Middle East. ​So on paper, I’ve gotten a lot of validation about my business. The potential is definitely there. ​But the reality is, the business is very hard. Deep down, I know that I can do it, but I just procrastinate. I'm struggling with a serious dopamine addiction, I have basically zero patience level, and I constantly self-sabotage myself. Instead of doing the actual work, I just waste my time scrolling on Instagram Reels and distracting myself with other things. ​I think I do it because it’s just too tough to control everything, and the pressure makes me check out. Has anyone else been in this exact spot, and how did you break out of it? Any guidance will be appreciated.

Assalamualaikum umeed hai sab khairyat sy hon gy kindly identity hidden rkhiye ga meri age 24 years hai or mai 1 middle class family sy belong karta hun ham 5 behny or 4 bhai hain meri story ye hai k start sy sab kuch normal tha jaisy middle class families mai hota hai mery walid sab army sy retd hain jab vo retired huy to unho ny retirement k sary paisy sy bhai ko dukan karwa di yaha tak sab acha acha chal rha tha phr achanak hamari dukan mai chori ho gai or sab kuch kharab hona start ho gya bht ziada qarza achanak ho gya itni bari chori k bad hamary pass backup b nahe tha k ham sab dobara sy start kr sky so bhai ny step lia k mai out of country jaunga ta k sab set kr sku waha b un k sath fraud ho gya or ham mazeed qarzy mai phas gay meri age tab 12 sy 13 years thi ghar mai har waqt ki zehni tesnion or qarz walo ki demand ki wajah sy meri mental health boht ziada kharab ho gaii jis ka sab sy bura asar ye para k meri education us sy bht ziada mutasir hui jab mai dekhta tha k ghar mai utility bills or basic cheezy nahe hai or unko ly kr jhagra hota hai to mai khud he ehsas e kamtari ka shikar ho gya mai start sy he bright student tha or har class mai first aata tha lekin is sb k baad mera parhai mai dill he nahe lagta tha sab poochty thy k reason kya mai ab kya btata unko k roz roz k jhagro or rizq ki kami ki wajah sy meri mental health boht ziada disturb ho gai hai phr jo kuch savings thi us sy 6 behn bhaio ki shadi ki or us sy halat thk hony k bajay mazeed kharab ho gay ab short ye k mai ny 1 jagah job krni start kr dii or kuch apny aap pr focus kia cheezy behtar hona start hui lekin tb he meri job chalii gaii or ab mai bilkul jobless betha hun mai bht he ziada sensitive hun har kisi ka ehsas krny wala mai ny sab ki help ki is phase mai friends jan ny walo sy loan ly kr mai ny sab manage kia ab situation ye hai k mujh pr boht ziada loan ho gya hai 1 lakh plus lekin na to meri job hai or na koi dosra amdan ka zariya mai namaz b parhta hun duay b mangta hun Allah sy lekin ab kuch din sy mai thk chuka hun ghar ka qarz nahe utarta kharchy poory nahe hoty is mehngai mai or ab to job b chali gaii maa baap ko dekhta hun to or pareshani hoti hai k boorhy ho gay hai or mai in k liye kuch nahe kr paa rha skills or experience hony k bawajood mujhy na to job mill rhi hai or na kaam ab kuch din sy sui*ide k khayal aa rhy hain bht ziada or pareshan hun yaha ye sab btany ka maqsad ap logo sy dua ka kehna or is bary mai advice mangna hai k mujhy kya krna chahiye mentally bht ziada pareshan or thaka hua hn mai plz kisi k pass koi achi si advice hai to dy thanks...

Never thought I would post this but here I am I am a guy aged 21, in my third year at IBA and I am petrified, anxious and stressed about what life will become As someone who was sexually abused at age 12, I have struggled with confidence, self esteem and connecting with others. I have shunned the thought of any romantic relationship because the thought of being close to anyone (physically or emotionally) petrifies me. Yes I have had friends of the opposite gender and tbvh I think women are really great friends Recently, I have seen some of my friends/cousins getting engaged/committed. Moreover, my parents have also told me strictly that if I can't find someone on my own in 5 years, they are gonna get me arranged to someone of their choice. They say that as an only son, I have to get married and staying unmarried isn't a choice that I can seriously consider Just the thought of it petrifies me. I am too scared. I don't wanna be close to anyone. Why can't I live my life on my own terms? I have never even liked anyone romantically and I know this sounds insane but a part of me is terrified of any romantic interaction Even I forcefully convince myself to find someone, im scared that I am very below average in terms of looks and I will mess things up because of my issues. I understand that I need therapy, I understand that I need to work on myself but these thoughts have consumed me despite the fact that I am sooo busy (I am a student, work part time, I am also a TA)